Sometimes the "real" truth can crush you....

 My momma always said the truth will set you free.  It does, it takes a huge weight off your shoulders.  I should know, this past year I had to be truthful with my husband about our finances and the weight was lifted from me and my marriage is on the mend...But when I mention the 'real' truth, I am talking about a deeper truth.  The truth my momma didn't tell me about...The truth you have to admit to yourself.  

This is me today...really, I just took this pic like ten minutes ago...

I am the average gal...I am a wife, a mother, a professional.  I am a daughter, a sister and a friend.  I find that on most days, I put my own needs on the back burner because the needs of those I love take precedence over my own.  It seems almost easier to be the caretaker for others than to be a caretaker of myself.  Its not that I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for it, I just can't seem to get around to it.  I have let myself go in ways that I can't believe.  I just keep buying bigger clothes instead of taking the time to get myself back into shape.  Its either do it at night before I go to bed, but we all know how that turns out, I am so wiped out by that time, I barely get into the shower and into the bed before I fall asleep...Or there's getting up and doing it first thing in the morning.  WEEEEELLLLLL, when my three year old who doesn't sleep through the night (STILL) wakes me up twice in the night and I have to be the one who gets up, getting up at least an hour earlier than normal to work out and shower just doesn't happen either.  I give myself excuse after excuse...I even blame my husband.  I say that I have so many things to do around  here and he just won't do it.  I just don't have the time.  I blame him for me not having the time (even though if I seriously committed to something he would pick up the slack)...However, I don't have the time to be dead either.  So I don't know what to do...

BUT, I have to...I stepped on the scale this morning and the rest of my life literally flashed before my eyes.  My worst fear in life is my three children growing up without me.  I have said it to my husband before, I have even admitted it to myself before, but today, it just hit me really hard as a reality.  I am 45lbs over weight today.  That increases my chances for type 2 diabetes (which I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with all three of my kids), high blood pressure (which runs in my family) and heart disease (the number one killer of women...I think back to ten years ago.  I bent over one day to tie my shoes and my belly was in the way so that it was hard to breathe and tie my shoes.  Also, my papaw asked me one day if he bought me some SlimFast would I drink it...I am not sure why he just didn't call me fattie :)  But, I knew he meant well.  So, I bought my first at home workout program and while I finished my Master's degree and was dating my now husband, I lost 32 pounds.  I started out slowly, but in six months I was one fit little fiddle.  Fast forward ten years and here I am about to turn 40, 45 pounds over weight, and scared for my health...Looking good would just be a side benefit!  Most people hold onto their fat clothes just in case...Not me, I held onto the clothes from ten years ago.  Here are a few of the outfits I am going to work myself back into...

Hubs asked me today what I was going to do about this...no humor, no fat remark or jab, just genuine concern...

I wrote all my stats in dry erase marker on the bathroom mirror...height, weight, measurements, pants size, shirt size, if I can shrink it, I wrote it down...and my husband saw it.  I wasn't going to hide it from him anymore.  I am not hiding from myself anymore.  I have to face this weight and remove it, as well as removing the reasons I overeat, refuse to exercise and the many other underlying reasons why I have just let myself go...He loves me so much, but he doesn't love what I have done to myself.  My kids don't deserve it either...I am sort of lazy, I am overworked, overwhelmed and if I don't take care of me, then I won't be around to take care of anyone else...There is my real crushing truth.  

SSSOOOOO, what are you going to do you ask and why are you sharing this with us...I know what to do and the reason I am sharing is because there are no more supportive people than you guys in the blogosphere...

I just have to do it in baby steps but my reality wants to wake up tomorrow with the body of 23 year old fitness model.  I mean come on, feels like I put the weight on that fast :)  Shouldn't it come off in the same amount of time :)  All kidding aside, this is the seedling of my plan...  It has to be realistic or it just won't work...

Baby steps Phase 1

REWARDS!!!  Do something for myself once a week for my good choices throughout the week.  Since I love soda and chocolate, that is going to be my first reward.  I can have it once a week.  

This week, my goal is to eat clean for a week allowing myself a cheat meal once this week.  According to Dr. Pamela Peeke in Body for Life for Women, this is a necessity. 

You have got to read this book...Something for every woman in every stage of her life!!!

Depravity will kill change.  I think for me, to deprive me of soda and chocolate would be like not attending any other addiction.  I would get it somehow.  This way, I can work for it.  Any exercise I do this week will be a bonus tangible reward like a new pair of shoes or scarf or something fun like that.  

Short term goal:  Size 10 by the time my son's 2nd bday (July 4th)

Long Term Goal:  Size 7-8 by our Disney Vacation, 2nd week of October...I have never been the cute little mommy at Disney, its high time I am!  

I plan to check in weekly and I hope you all don't mind going on this journey with me....Please encourage me, I feel like this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever ever done because this time, its not just about me...

Here is a little something I made for motivation...

Backgrounds are by MyClipArtStore, fonts by MissTiina, HelloFonts, and me...Frame is HelloLiteracy and of course a Melonheadz Graphic!!!

Please save it, copy it, post it; especially if you need it like I do!!!  I am not sure who coined this phrase, but it is another real truth for me!  

Thanks for sticking with and following me in this chapter of life!!  This can only make me a better person, wife, mother, teacher, daughter, sister and friend!!